art. jesus. coffee. people. books. creating. in no particular order.
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January 25, 2008


As I sit here in the morning having woken up way too early for work I decide its time for me to just lay in bed all ready to go and just listen to some music. I turn on the tunes and just let it shuffle, but as I lay there with my eyes closed and song after song is played I start to get lost in my thoughts, getting myself a little mentally restless. Thats no good, but as soon as I'm ready to get up my playlist decides to play Not Ashamed by the awesome but disbanded group Kurios. Im sure most of you dont know who kurios is but they were an awesome band that was really influential in my deciding to be a christian.

Even during the time when I was at my lowest during my bouts with depression years ago and basically had turned my back on God i still listened to this group. They were something that I cried to, got pissed off to, and got back to a decent place with. I know it sounds like every other emo teen, but its weird, even though they are now disbanded and the remaining members have created another AWESOME band, the lyrics and the memories that I have from this band is just such a humbling experience. Knowing that even in my lowest anti-god point, he was still there working on me, making permanent changes in me. Its really freakin' awesome to have someone like that there for you. I'm just going to sit here and be humbled as I listen to some memory filled music. So many memories good bad and indifferent.

When God finds a spot to work his "magic" the way he does with music and me its awesome.

January 24, 2008

What a difference a year makes

As February fast approaches I'm reminded what amazing things can happen in a years time. This time last year I was a lost soul looking for something. I was looking in beer cans and and shot glasses. (man does that make me sound like I was an alcoholic?!) I had a good time doing it. Do I regret it? Not at all. Do I want to do it again? Nope. I thought having fun with the help of a drink with some friends was a good time. I was always smiling when I had a drink with friends.

Rewind even further, three years ago. I was depressed, I was calling out to God in a "Please help me God, I'm going into a life changing surgery, I need you, you gave me a Christian doctor, I remember you from church, "your only begotten son blah blah blah" please guide the doctors knife as he slices and dices me. Oh your done? I'm recovered? Awesome! Thanks God Ill talk to ya later... sucker." Hrm... it almost pains me to write that, but thats how I was for a bit. I'm ashamed.

Lets come back to last year. This time last year a lovely time wouldn't you say? Right. So after God saw how messed up I was and how much of a broken sinner I was he decided to step in and bring me back to him. He got me to goto a lovely college Christian retreat called Jubilee. I didn't really understand the power that Jubilee could have one someone, or at least the seed planting capabilities that it had. Boy did it have it. After attending Jubilee my friend, my savior and my God started working like lightning in my heart. He turned me around and filled that void that I had in me. He filled it so it burst and I wanted to tell EVERYONE about how awesome he was/is/forever will be.

I am filled with a joy right now, as I write this, that is so humbling. To see someone be used and abused like I did to my friend; only to have him come back and help me back up on my feet and dust me off, even carry me for a little bit. Its baffling why and how he does it. I don't know if I could do that. Its probably a good thing that I wasn't sent to the earth to save the population 'ey?

Its amazing what can happen in a year. A fall. A spring back. A Joyous sunny season. As that Jubilee thing approaches again I am renewed with a faith that is in a new better place. I approach this conference with a heart for Jesus and a calling to do his work. To be a light for him. To help other college kids like myself. Knowing if I want to succeed I need to keep my eye looking upwards and my heart opened.


January 14, 2008

A New Start.

So I have been an avid livejournal user for years, when they still had invited codes baby! I still read and keep up with my friends on livejournal but for me to blog on, I feel that... I just need a new start. A place where I can be open a place where when I look back I don't see discouraging posts about depression, past mistakes and old friends that were no good for me. Here I can have a fresh start.

I feel this fresh start is more symbolic for me than an actual fresh start. My walk with my lord over the past year has really been strengthened and my God has changed me for the best, he has been molding me to a new person, with the good and bad traits of the old.
Yet, O LORD, you are our Father.
We are the clay, you are the potter;
we are all the work of your hand.
-Isaiah 64:8
I feel here I can gush about my experiences with God and where I have my struggles, where I have seen God change me. How I incorporate God into my passion of art and into everyday life even. Sometimes I'll post about how the lord has quenched my thirst through the reading of his word, anything that I have to talk, and sometimes gush, about.