art. jesus. coffee. people. books. creating. in no particular order.
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June 18, 2008

Twenty-First Time

"Twenty-First Time" by Monk & Neagle
Nowhere to live, nowhere to fall
He used to have money, but he’s wasted it all.
His face is a photograph burned in my mind,
but I pretend not to see him for the twenty-first time

He sleeps under stars, that’s all he can afford
His blanket’s an old coat he’s had since the war
He stands on the corner of Carter and Vine
But I pretend not to see him for the twenty-first time

He may be a drifter, he’s grown old and gray
But what if he’s Jesus and I walk away?
I say I’m the body and drink of the wine
but I pretend not to see him for the twenty-first time

She’s twenty-nine but she feels forty-eight
She can’t raise three kids on minimum wage
She’s cryin’ in back of the welfare line
but I pretend not to see her for the twenty-first time

She may be a stranger tryin’ to get through the day
but what if it’s Jesus and I walk away?
I say I’m the body and drink of the wine
but I pretend not to see her for the twenty-first time

This is a call for a change in my heart
I realize that I’ve not been doin’ my part
when I needed a Savior, I found it in Him
He gave to me, now I’ll give back to them

Drifter or stranger, father or son
I’ll look for Jesus in every one
’cause I am the body and drink of the wine
and I’m thankful there’s more than the twenty-first time

I remember the first time I heard that song, it was like a knife through my ice heart I remember it like it was yesterday. I was getting nestled into my bed, in my heated room. Yeah, it was really a cheesy sounding song, but the lyrics were definitely directed at me. It was right after a friend of mine was trying her hardest to get the Christian group at my school to go out and help out at this mission. I never went, I had more important things to do, like... procrastinate in my studio and talk with friends and keep telling myself i was working. After about a half of semester of no one going with her, she stopped. What did I say? Good, we'll go back to having our meetings.

How can I be so selfish?!

I never knew the name of this song, or anything other than the part about the twenty-first time. So I couldn't add it to my itunes playlist. I would hear this song on the radio station occasionally, and I would never hear the artists name or anything, and I could never find the song online, but it spoke to me everytime. It always made me remember Mathew 25:31 - 46
"31"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. 32All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

34"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

37"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

40"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

41"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'

44"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'

45"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'

46"Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.""

I wish I could sit here typing this just coming back from helping out feeding the homeless or volunteering at a soup kitchen or something. Nope. I did find the song though. heh To be honest I have so many excuses to why I can't go do that. "Its not safe", "I don't have money to give; I can barely afford my own food", "They're just going to use it for drugs", "Some people are meant to minister other places". I can go on forever; but when I'm real with myself I know its just my selfishness and my bias. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that thank God, or more so Jesus for basically taking my fall for being such a cold jerk. I also pray that through ways that we dont know or understand (Isaiah 55:8) he would come and change my heart; because I'm tired of walking down the street and ignoring these people, but I can't stop...

June 2, 2008

Needs and wants.

In my last post I spoke about how restless I have been for a while. I still am, but I just felt the urge to publicly praise and thank god for giving me what he gave me this morning.

This morning I wake up tired, like I have been for the past few weeks, why I don't know. I have a feeling it might be because of the heat and that the air conditioning unit for the public areas of my apartment building is right outside my bedroom window; which is right where the head of my bed is located. So I wake up and I'm tired, so tired that I almost say screw church and just stay home and not sleep. After falling back asleep for a few minutes I decided to get up and go make a cup of coffee and see what happened. So, I make my coffee and breakfast, go over to my window and just sit there looking out at the corner. Then it happened... an amazing sense of calmness came over me as I just looked out over the intersection, there were few people out, the ones that were just strolled and enjoyed their coffee, there were no cars and just the sounds of birds singing. Then I just at that moment started talking to God, thanking him for this amazing sense of calmness he gave me. I just sat there, calm, still, knowing that God is, was and will be. After that I just went back into my room, popped on some music and layed on my bed just resting before church.

Then it hit me, if I know that God is and was and will be the great provider, why do I worry? Why do I stress? God gives you what you want when you need what you want.

Lord I want to thank you for being a God who knows what your children need and when to give them what they want. Thank you for always being there for us when sometimes; we aren't there for you. Lord, I pray that you can give the rest of your children that are restless and frustrated that amazing sense of calmness that you so graciously gave to me this morning. Thank you for letting me sit there and bask in the glory that is your world and your creation. Amen.