artdork

So I fell off the Face of the Blogging World (or Did I?!)

2011-08-10T19:47:00.001-04:00

Actually I haven't, I just transitioned over to tumblr. I like their reblog feature, the edit-ability and the over all social aspect of tumblr, I'll still keep this blog I might even pop some of my wordier posts onto here, but for now, I'm at tumblr.

I can't wait to unveil this project.

2011-05-05T12:26:00.003-04:00

I've been working on this pirate themed site and I'm loving it!

Tools of the Trade

2011-05-02T16:52:00.000-04:00

found via (giedonothersbible) // source (w00t)

The Great Easter Showdown 2011

2011-04-30T23:33:00.000-04:00

click for larger version

As kids growing up we were always told not to eat too much candy and lots of sugar because it was bad for your teeth. We were also told that the tooth fairy loved cavity free teeth, so we should keep them clean.

At the same time we're given tons of candy on Easter...
Watching all my siblings and the neighborhood kids eat lots and lots of candy this week, I couldn't help but wonder if there is an epic throw down on Easter night between the clean, cavity free tooth loving tooth fairy and the sugar induced jelly bean popping Easter Bunny.

My guess is there was no epic throw down, but part of me wishes there was. One can only hope right?

Dear Trojan Vibrating Massager Commercial,

2011-04-29T20:29:00.000-04:00

see youtubed commercial here

At the end of the commercial, the bride-to-be tells her groom, “Remember the Trojan Vibrating massagers we wanted? We got THREE!” Next, the groom excitedly screams “SWEET!”
Thank you for this. I laugh every time, as I immediately imagine the groom personally enjoying the three vibrating massagers. Alone.
I think the groom has some things to work out before his wedding.
Thanks again - mike

found via google (source)

Dear Mr. President

2011-04-27T15:17:00.000-04:00

Please find below my suggestion for fixing America 's economy.

Instead of giving billions of dollars to companies that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.

You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force.

Pay them $1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.

2) They MUST buy a new American CAR. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed.

4) They MUST buy their own health insurance. - Health Plan for seniors just fixed.

It can't get any easier than that! If more money is needed, have all members of Congress and their constituents pay their taxes... If you think this would work, please tell everyone you know.

If not, please disregard. Then shoot yourself!!!! - 1 job opening

God Bless America.

found via "fun stuff to see"

Train of Thoughts

2011-04-23T11:28:00.000-04:00

I love taking the NJtransit from 30th Street Ttation in Philadelphia rather than catching the patco (semi-subway) and meeting up with the train a couple of stops down the line. I never realized why. Logically I should take the patco and meet up with the NJtransit later, its usually slightly cheaper and its more convenient, but recently I've been purposely going to 30th Street. I didn't know why. Now I do. The ride from Philadelphia to where the two trains meet is so peaceful, specially at night, it gives my mind time to decompress and relax. There's usually a few people in each car, no one is loud* or shuffling around. We're all just there. A few stops down the line is where the two trains join is where the majority of the people board the train, and the ride is no longer peaceful. I'm sitting here on the train decompressing, reflecting and appreciating the week that this past one was.
I have so many thoughts that I want to write, but I haven't fleshed them out enough to write a cohesive story, so I'm going to list them out (some will be fairly large bullet points; and thats okay!
- People change, I've changed, friends have changed and thats okay, Its not bad. It's just different. Even though they and I have changed, that bond that was formed between us is not broken, after the time and distance, the people creating the bond are just different.

- God is doing something, a lot of things in a lot of peoples life is changing showing that a season is changing and I'm not talking about the winter to spring season change; but life and death of things in peoples lives.

- I think its no coincidence that I forgot that this week was holy week and this is also the week that I got to spend with friends I love, worship and fellowship with. While I didn't spend anytime in "corporate" worship with them, I did spend time discussing how awesome, confusing and all knowingly wonderful God is. While I don't get to spend one of the holiest and most revered Christian holidays with them but rather my family, It reminds me that I do have to in-fact remember that family is family for a reason.

- God answers questions with in-your-face answers, specially when those questions you try to hide from yourself and definitely ones you hide from others.

- As i just tweeted, I wanted to say "Oh my dear. I just forgot how stunningly beautiful you are. I think you get more and more beautiful each day!" There is more to that statement but I think for now... I'll leave it at that.

- I got to spend every morning walking in the energetic energy of commute, grabbing coffee and a bagel with tons of anonymous people and sitting on a stoop enjoying the morning everyday. This just reaffirms that I am meant to be an urban dweller.

- I am meant to work, nothing felt as good as waking up at 7/8am, getting ready, going to work, taking lunch (or in some cases working through lunch) and "clocking out" at 6. It was so rewarding (and mentally draining).

- I still know how to be a pleasant person, make friends with random people I don't know and carry on a successful conversation on a variety of topics with a bunch of educated people. While I was temp working I was introduce to other people, from different backgrounds and current place yet we all conversed, shared and laughed.

- I forgot how good good coffee, good beer and good food tasted.

- A city park is a beautiful example of how life ideally should exist. People from different backgrounds, current situations and extreme opposite social and economical situations co-inhabiting the same place with virtually no problems.

- I miss the scenes of the city. From the crazy jesus end-of-days people handing out pamphlets to the monks marching to the beat of their own drum, literally down the street to the drunk man who stopped to watch a bird fly over his head and almost fell backwards.

- my zodiac sign (if i fully embraced it) would be the end of me. All I care about are secrets, sex, domination and money. Thank God (literally!) that I am not without good friend and Christ to keep me from living up to (or down to?) my Scorpio tendencies.

Thats not all, but the train demographic is changing, my mind is buzzing and I'm having a hard time concentrating, so thus is the end for now. This week was everything I needed to continue through this season of my life. Philadelphia and its inhabitants (friends and strangers alike) have my heart and you're not letting go anytime soon. Thank You.

*of course as I write this a very loud and flamboyantly gay man decides it is time to discuss something in an extremely exited manner.

I was pretty pimp at 4 years old.

2011-04-10T16:06:00.000-04:00

I just ordered these bad boys

2011-04-04T03:14:00.000-04:00

from moocards (moo.com) You know you love them!

Sex is No Accident :: MTV:Sexidents

2011-04-03T16:41:00.000-04:00

Brilliant advertizing for MTV. With a good message questionmark

Source: Grey \ Found imjustcreative.co.uk

im truckin' along!

2011-03-13T19:25:00.002-04:00

I wish I could show you but I recently designed my cousins wedding invitation and basically the whole stationary package. here is a @dribbble-esc preview. I'm really pumped about it! Soon I'll be showing my most recent projects as they come to a close.

Its good to be busy...

2011-03-06T23:27:00.001-05:00

One would think after completing, literally five projects in three days, I wouldn't want to look at graphics, but I made this for fun.
(typography is fun?!)

If you could go back five years & tell yourself something...

2011-03-02T14:10:00.003-05:00

What would those five things be? A twitter friend of mine asked this on her blog and this is what I commented;

“01. Grow some balls kid! Kiss the girl! (or at least let her know you like her)

02. Don’t get woo’ed by the fancy fine arts department of your school! Keep to your guns and go into graphic design or illustration

03. Minor in Art Therapy, I know you want to focus on your art, but this will help you in the 2nd semester of senior year when you realize you want to go to grad school for this!

04. Keep up with the vegetarian eating, you’re losing tons of weight and the family is actually supporting your diet. Keep it up. (i have severely slacked in this department lately)

05. Push yourself to the limit with networking, jobbing and interning, the socialization can happen in class and at night, make those connections, don’t focus solely on friendships.”

I always say I don't have regrets, because quite frankly I don't like to think of making the "wrong" decision because having not gone into sculpture, and ultimately printmaking (i switched majors my Jr. year) I wouldn't have met and formed awesome relationships with the people I did. I mean they say hindsight is 20/20 so its easy to see where decisions could have been made different and the ultimate outcome would have left me in, not necessarily better, but a different place. Who knows for a fact but I'd like to think that I made the right decisions in the moment.

If you could have gone back and told the five years ago "you" five things, what would they be? Either comment here or write your own post about them! ( and send me a link to your post). I'd love to hear them!

The Valedvictorian from VBS.

2011-03-01T00:25:00.000-05:00

damn... I was proud of my little "Bible in 50 Words Book", this kid has me beat before he reaches puberty!

[ via: the resurgance | source: youtube ]

I do think a girl in glasses is cute!

2011-02-24T20:20:00.000-05:00

[found @ Shmitten' Kitten via I'm Not A Genius]
I also hate that I'm feeding into the "hipster" trend...

projectLOVE: Kristina

2011-02-22T17:42:00.000-05:00

What is projectLOVE: Kristina? Well its fully explained right here; but the quick run down is, Rogie made an awesome site called dribbble.com; which is a place for designers to show little (no bigger than 400x300px) snippets of what they're working on. But last night his sisters house burned down, completely and now they're homeless, essentially, so in order to raise money, he asked the community to make a little ditty for her and help spread the word about helping out with a little donation, if you can. If not, go here and look at all the awesome projects (or rebounds, as the site calls them) people have made!

"Lord..." (reposted)

2011-02-21T15:36:00.000-05:00

It's amazing how over two years ago I wrote this prayer and it still rings true to this very day. This was originally written (published 10.29.09) for a friend's online magazine, it has since gone under but remains online as to not break links or lose the articles written for it.
(I found my prayer on a community on livejournal, I had no clue that it was found let alone posted. Its amazing how God can use our words to help people that we may never know)

"Lord..."

“I sit down to write as a way to reflect. At this very moment in my life when there is no other thing to be certain about besides your provision and grace I cling to that and I pray that my sin will not cause me to mishear what you’re doing to shape and mold me into something better than myself.

I feel a sense of Déjà vu; this time last year when I needed your help, your wisdom, more than anything I needed your comfort; you came through in only ways that you can. You took my lack of trust, my discomfort, my fear and blew it away. Took it away and returned with trust that all the promises I made in those prayers; in those talks where I talked at you rather than talked with you… you trusted me, you trusted I would keep my word. You trusted that all of those fearful, manipulative and selfish things that I said would ultimately be used for your good. I said and promised so many things; if you would just come through for me on this one thing… if you just helped me once more I would be a better believer; I would read more; I would pray more; witness more; serve more; do. more.

You knew I would fall short of my foolish promises, my seemingly earnest statements. You knew what was in my heart, you knew that in all of the things I said, the promises I would keep; the promises that I would let slip. You came through and gave me more than I asked for. You didn’t promise anything; you just gave. You give to someone as broken as I; a person who will say the most and do the least; everything I wanted and more than I needed

Thank you for being a God of compassion, a God of grace, a God who can sift through the filth of my heart and show me the beauty that you put there. Lord thank you for the way you break my heart, thank you for the way you let my soul be beaten, thank you for the way you show me my dry bed, thank you. Thank you for never failing me when I have. My prayer is that you would teach me what to pray. I pray for what I cannot do. I pray that you would meet me here and give me the wisdom of what to pray for… and the ability to listen; cause’ in this storm… I get washed away.”

2011-02-17T12:01:00.005-05:00

“your image is not done when you're done drawing it.
Your image is done when people see it. ”

-Pascal Campion

Oh youtube...

2011-02-15T19:26:00.000-05:00

I normally don't get caught up on youtube... click, watch, laugh, click watch, laugh; doesn't happen, but this one made me laugh, and so did the other 10 videos I watched after this one.

(found via steve lutz)

here are some others that made me crack up; "Greetings: Don't Be this Guy","PB & J All Day" and "How To Plant a Church"

the undead love too!

2011-02-13T23:04:00.002-05:00

Each year people give candy, cards and flowers as ways to show that they love their boo (whatever that means) and that they have their "heart" but I think the zombies have it right!

If you're like a great majority of people, you haven't bought your significant others card yet, so print this out and voila! One of a kinda card (unless your s.o. did the same thing! Whoops!)

Oh yeah... if you're single and you don't have a significant other to give one of my epic drawings too tomorrow, just click the link and commiserate with the little fellow (you'll see what I mean!

oh crud...

2011-02-13T12:15:00.001-05:00

So... I installed the fancy new (atleast new to me) commenting system disqus, and it apparently hides all of my old blog comments :( I'm trying to figure out how to add them back, I promise I'm not moderating comments!

thankfulTHURSDAY #2

2011-02-11T01:18:00.000-05:00

With being unemployed and being sequestered from my friends for about two years now, I have to admit that, its hard for me to remember that I do have things to be thankful for; its easy to lament on how i haven't had any constant source of income, that I haven't had time with friends in months (this is a side effect of no income, it takes money to go see them) or that I'm not exactly happy to be living where I am. In reality I do have things to be thankful for. While last week I didn't post this week I am going to (even though its technically not thursday anymore.)

001. That I'm fortunate enough to be sitting on a couch, in a heated house, with electricity to type on this computer.

002. Thankful for the weird, semi accepting community that I live in, they all humor me and talk to me when I'm there to watch my little brothers sports games, or when we run into each other when I pop into Wawa

003. I got to goto my first real ice hockey game this past week! Sure it wasn't an NHL game, but it was with their minors (a half of step below the big league)

004. My knee left knee is back to normal completely (i guess my right one is the slower more retarded one... he takes after me!)

005. I got a new client this week and he loved the first round of logos I designed for him.

006. My friends meg and cat who are pretty much always there for me to show a design and they will tell me which parts suck, or which parts are good and sometimes that i should ust start over again!

007. I finally beat the game "Saints Row" and I'm now onto "Saints Row II"

008. My aunt and cousin(and he now fiance) they let me come up and escape to their house and work with them to get my out of the terrible state of Jersey. Its always a good time when I'm with them.

009. I'm thankful for my friend Amy ("met" her through twitter!) for offering to send me some of her text books on Psychology and such, even if I can't afford to goto school who says I can't read about what I wish I could goto school for?!

010. the family ordered pizza for dinner tonight... I know this sounds silly but I haven't had the money to order pizza in a while and I've REALLY been wanting some unhealthy, greasy, amazing pizza recently. Its strange, I don't know why, but... I have been.

Now, I leave you with two pictures that I'm stealing from tumblr...

sometimes i really think the burbs' are...

I live on a freakin island... I forget this people!

mmmmm cheese.

2011-02-07T02:13:00.000-05:00

Today was the day that everyone who owns a TV waits for... Super Bowl Sunday. Oh? Whats that? You don't like football, I know. I was accounting for you too with... commercials. This is the one televised sporting event that people dont frantically sprint from the tv, during a commercial break to grab another beer, a slice of pizza or to pee because as interested (or disinterested) in the game everyone look forward to the commercials during the game! Advertisers know this, as does the NFL and in this case FOX broadcasting.

For a 30 second spot, advertisers were paying a whopping $2.9million!! And thats just for the air time, not the budget of the commercial itself (which for a super bowl commercial is usually thousands, hundreds of thousands.) Why though? Is a commercial only good (and memorable) if you can throw tons and tons of money at a production crew? um... negative.

Take a look at this commercial and tell me you don't think this is one you will be telling people about?!

see, now didnt that ~~gross you out~~ strike you as memorable? I know it did me, for the sheer fact of how awkward and, frankly, gross it was. But hey, most importantly, next time you sit down with a bag of doritos (or any other residue leaving chip like snack) chances are you will remember that commercial, an the fact that it was for doritos. SUCCESS! The best part? The budget was something like $82!! This just proves that success doesn't = pouring lots of money into a project! creativityFTW!

Which commercials were your favorite? If you didn't get to see them (were you under a rock?!) you can catch them all here.

The other thing I was happy to see about the commercials this year? Not everyone thought "sex sells" there wasn't T&A all over the screen... except lots of moobs(man boobs) spandex'd manass on the field! But more on that later.

this is what love looks like...

2011-02-04T13:21:00.002-05:00

image from los @ ragamuffinsoul

We can learn so much from this group of Egyptian Christians forming a human barrier around muslims praying during the protests in Egypt. We're not called to hate on other religions we're called to love people.

thankfulTHURSDAY #1

2011-02-03T14:51:00.011-05:00

one of these days I'll do this. I contrary to popular opinion (and by popular opinion I mean mine) I do have thing to be thankful for. For all I know I might come back and edit this later. Who knows.

late night lulz

2011-02-01T02:24:00.000-05:00

"1bourbon, 1scotch, 1beer" (via c'mon bro)

why i love don miller

2011-01-28T13:06:00.002-05:00

“My most recent faith struggle is not one of intellect. I don’t really do that anymore. Sooner or later, you just figure out there are some guys who don’t believe in God and they can prove He doesn’t exist, and some other guys who do believe in God and they can prove He does exist, and the argument stopped being about God a long time ago and now it’s about who is smarter, and honestly I don’t care.“

- Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz

(via jaycalle)

Remember Missing Baby Jesus?

2010-12-28T00:38:00.003-05:00

Remember last year when I wrote about how fitting it was that our baby Jesus went missing? Well I couldn't take it anymore and I decided upon myself to make another one. I was tired of looking at an empty "Jesus-less" manger. I know its simple and silly but I was tired of it!

I can go into deep thoughts and reflect even more on what that means for me personally, in regards to my last post but I'll spare you that (for now) and just post the pics of the baby Jesus I sculpted.

reflections in Snow

2010-12-27T16:53:00.002-05:00

"distraught" by laura yumang(link)

I think about the future; I live in the past; I dislike the present. Don't want to forget the past, can't wait for tomorrow but have a hard time living in today.
I want to change but I don't know how.

Waking up seeing the undisturbed snow reminded me that as the new year comes, its a clean slate. Time to restart and make new.

Seeing the etching (pictured right) reminded me that the only way through the shit is to look up, theres the solution to the maze we call life.

As the snow melts it reveals the same things that were there before. I hope as 2011 comes to a close I'm not left with the same things poking through that are poking through this year. Here's to a new year.

Sometimes the simplest things say the most.

2010-06-03T01:45:00.006-04:00

Grrrr...

2010-05-29T23:09:00.001-04:00

Over the past two weeks when I was NOT at a computer my mind was racing for blogs to post and what to write about. Now that I'm at a computer (or rather have access to one) I am drawing a blank. Maybe its time to set up mobile blogging...

revelations in 140 characters

2010-05-04T13:09:00.003-04:00

One of my favorite past times, as of late, has seemed to be watching my twitter list refresh over and over again. Why? Because ~~I'm pretty bored and have nothing better to do~~ becasue I follow some pretty inspiring people and those people tweet pretty inspiring and encouraging things, be them quote or their own blog posts! (i follow some pretty awesome people)

But today, I was reading, and I came across this tweet

"When it comes to chasing a dream, don't confuse "can't" with "won't." Because chances are you can, you just don't."
- @prodigaljohn

That really hit something in me; not in a negative way, more of an affirming way.

In a few weeks it will be one year to the day, that I have graduated from art school. One year... and what do I have to show? A small portfolio, living at home with my parents... the list could go on and on... but I'm generally a positive person (atleast I try to be) so I try not to complain about that stuff much.

but... I am going to vent a little today.

See what I don't say a lot, is I'm met with a lot of discouraging remarks that I hear through the grape vine or told to my face from some of the people I live with. To them (they either are happily unemployed, young, or have worked at the same position for years) it looks like I am just playing around on the computer, "oh look at him playing with art on the computer", look at that, he's on the computer again! Whats he do? Sit on facebook all day?" All of that is untrue. Most of the time I am job searching, making connections or in some cases doing client (read: getting paid to) work!! Its frustrating to say the least, to be met with such discouraging words. Looking in the newspaper isnt a viable way to find a job anymore (last time i looked, there was 5 jobs, two teaching jobs and three nurse jobs. None of which I am qualified for) but they don't understand that... so I give them a little forgiveness when it comes to thinking im just playing on the computer.

Back to the tweet... this was really affirming. I have a ton of negative energy directed towards me externally; but I also have a lot of my own insecurities about finding a job (its weird to me not working for a year, I've worked and/or gone to school since I was 15) but I've not lost my drive TO find work, I've managed to stay positive (we all have our down days) and continue to job search and just... not sit around doing nothing and not chase what i want( read: dreams)

fly away (WIP)

2010-05-02T00:25:00.001-04:00

So I've slowly decided that I will bring this blog back to life, with art, quips, thoughts. Whatever. I guess just to let you guys know that I am actually alive and making art haha!

This piece, that i'm currently working on, the inspiration comes from one of my favorite hymns (I'll Fly Away) and the David Crowder Song (Undignified).

As for what was the push to create this piece, a friend of mine sent me an email from a friend of hers asking for artists to create or submit artwork for a show at a church. So I had been thinking of this idea for a while (i even sketched this out in a sketch book) but I just never got around to creating it and I had also been wanting to create a more "fine arts" type piece. I've been focusing on commercial work so much that my own work is falling behind a lot lately. So voila!

This is obviously not finished but its a good start and I look forward to finishing and finaly getting this printed and submitted to the show!

Let me know what you guys think.

2010-04-18T00:56:00.000-04:00

i know your there.
you keep reminding me.
i cant help but wonder.
if im here because.
i side stepped your plan.
in fear of failing.

Larger than life?

2010-02-05T19:47:00.000-05:00

So they always say that childhood memories of places and things are often skewed in or mind. We usually remember the items or places much bigger than that actually were. I can understand that. We were smaller. Physically.

What confuses me is how skewed something can get when we go from looking at it in person to looking at it on the screen.

I've been recently looking at art blogs (regret saying this) anyway, I was looking at some old classmates blogs and of course they have links to other peoples blogs, as they should, so I follow a few links ,adn I noticed that upon viewing these paintings, prints and collages, a lot of them seemed to either, in my head, be much bigger or much smaller than they actually were. Sure the image on the screen was only 3" x 5", I knew this, but in my head I either made them much smaller or much larger. Never imagining them even remotely close to the right size. Why? I wish I knew the psychological reasoning why something seems to be much bigger or much smaller than they actually are? Just a randome thought.

2010-01-28T00:07:00.000-05:00

Today I was chatting casually on gchat with a friend of mine and I forget how we got on the subject, but I said that the only thing I think I would give up my artistic abilities for would be to be able to play music. I guess that stems from love for music and how much music plays a part in my life, everything from artistic inspiration to worship. But anyway, a small discussion on how when we use the talents we have been given by God, thats when we feel closest.

Normally I am not a normally a biblical commentary kind of guy, but two days ago I just happened to glance through this one and as my friend and I continued our chat it resonated within me. In the commentary it made mention of how in the Hebrew language, names are more than just names, they have meaning.

"In the names given the first antediluvian (pre-flood) patriarchs from Adam to Noah God 'made known the end from the beginning.' His purpose is clear. Here is the list of names and their meanings:

Names--------------------- Meaning
Adam---------------------- Man
Seth------------------------ appointed
Enosh---------------------- mortal
Kenan---------------------- sorrow
Mahalelel------------------- the blessed God
Jared----------------------- shall come down
Enoch----------------------- teaching
Methuselah----------------- his death shall bring
Lamech--------------------- despairing
Noah------------------------ rest or comfort

Put them all together and the LORD says:

Man is appointed mortal sorrow. The blessed God shall come down teaching His death shall bring the despairing rest."

Right there through the names of the people... he has told the gospel story from start to finish, again, showing that he plans everything for a reason.

Not only does God give us unique abilities which lead to unique ways to worship him, he does that for a reason. God has created everyone with their own purpose in life. He has given us skill and countless ways that we can come before him and worship. This cements the fact that God has created us to continually worship and honor him in all we do; be it playing music, using art, singing, writing, you name it, if it is honoring God and appealing to him then it was meant to be used as a form of worship.

Just like the names of the antediluvian telling the story, that is no coincidence, the fact that we can worship God in so many different ways is no coincidence. It proves that we're meant to worship him in every and all ways.

I need your help! Well you, me and your friend!

2010-01-23T17:14:00.018-05:00

**illustration by Steve from spotillustration.com

the idea; Everyone has that one quote that a friend said to them. Some are life changing, some are quirky and some are down right non sensical!

what i want; I want to see that quote... and that friend! I have this project that involves all of you! I want you to email me ( michael . meulstee [at] gmail.com ) the quote and your favorite picture of that person (if you don't have one of the person, one of yourself will work also.)
The picture doesn't have to be the best quality, or even a good picture. Just your favorite picture of them! If you want you can write something about this person or a back story of the quote or whatever you want that will help flesh out the quote.

what ill do; I'm then going to do a painting (most likely watercolor) of the photos you all send in, scan the paintings into the computer and through creative typography place the quote in the picture some how (this will all depend on the picture and the quote.)

what will eventually happen; I will submit this, once finished, to a print on demand printing company (ie, lulu or blurb) which then you, your friends and the whole world can buy a copy for yourself, I will be keeping the cost pretty cheap.

what you get; you get the original painting to keep or to give as a gift.

Please let everyone you know about this project, I'm looking to start soon! I'm looking for about 15-30 portraits and quotes. I would love to get photos and quotes from people I do not know! It would be awesome!

I feel like all I post is depressing or deep things...

2010-01-09T18:07:00.001-05:00

So. here is something a little whimsical. enjoy

I think too much about little things, I should have been a Philosophy Major

2009-12-23T17:39:00.004-05:00

My grandmother made two ceramic nativity scenes years ago. My mother and her sister absolutely love each of them, so they swap them every couple of years, this year it was my mothers turn for the larger scaled one. As she is unpacking the pieces, as the last piece is unwrapped and placed in its respectful place within the scene, she lets out a little laugh... baby Jesus is missing.

That spoke worlds to me. It speaks worlds about the modern view of Christmas and Jesus.

There now lies a Fisher Price red overall wearing dollhouse toddler in the manger. It is kind of comical in retrospect; but because I think too much... it meant so much more than "whoops" to me.

Forgotten.

2009-12-17T22:17:00.001-05:00

I think somewhere between last spring and the middle of fall, I lost my direction. I have wandered around in what feels like a wilderness for a while looking for something to lead me in the direction, never looking in the right places, feeling forgotten. Going through the motions but never changing where I look. I feel like I finally have the scent... but I'm still on the path, this meandering path, called life.

2009-12-09T14:03:00.001-05:00

It seems everytime i try to sit down and figure out the fragmented peices of thoughts I have it all seems to get more fragmented... maybe when something becomes solid I'll be able to make sense of this fragmentation.

Sometimes Simplicity is Beautiful

2009-11-13T11:45:00.003-05:00

"Poison & Wine" by The Civil Wars
You only know what i want I you to
I know everything you don´t want me to
your mouth is poison your mouth is wine
you think your dreams are the same as mine

I don´t love you but I always will
I don´t love you but I always will
I don´t love you but I always will
I always will

I wish you´d hold me when I turn my back
well the less I give the more I get back
your hands can heal your hands can bruise
I don´t have a choice but I´d still choose you

I don´t love you but I always will
I don´t love you but I always will
I don´t love you but I always will
I don´t love you but I always will

I don´t love you but I always will
I don´t love you but I always will
I don´t love you but I always will

I always will
I always will
I always will
I always will

A Time Comes in Your Life

2009-11-10T12:10:00.001-05:00

This recently came up in a note posted on facebook by someone who has just undergone a huge transformation in her life and it just struck a chord with me that I had to re-post it. I think every person who has ever struggled with anything or anyone who has yet to struggle with anything should read this becasue its pretty amazing!

A Time Comes in Your Life
"A time comes in your life when you finally get it … When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks, and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!
Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears, and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening.

You realize that it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon.

You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and she is not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter), and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you; and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are …and that’s OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself; and in the process a sense of newfound confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn’t do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say, and that not everyone will always be there for you; and that it’s not always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own, and to take care of yourself; and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers … and you begin to accept people for who they are — not their family, their spouses or their ancestors; You begin to overlook shortcomings and human frailties; and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself and the world around you is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche; and that the expectations you project are often what you created.

You stop manufacturing excuses that it’s “others” who miraculously stroll through life’s fires unsinged. And embrace that those “others” now include you.

And you begin to sift through all that you’ve been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, and how much you should weigh; what you should wear and where you should shop, and what you should drive; how and where you should live, and what you should do for a living; who you should sleep with, who you should marry, and what you should expect of a marriage; the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with; and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing; and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don’t know everything, it’s not your job to save the world … and that you can’t teach a pig to sing.

You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, and the importance of setting boundaries, and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man, or woman on your arm, or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are, and not as you would have them be.

You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love … and you learn that you don’t have the right to demand love on your terms … just to make you happy. And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely. And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10, never escape your receding hairline –and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you “stack up.
”
You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK … And that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want … and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect; and you won’t settle for less. And, you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his/her touch …and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect. And you learn that your body really is your temple, and you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn, that for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve … and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time. FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it, and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. And you learn to fight for quality of life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve; and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things.

You learn that God isn’t punishing you or failing to answer our prayers. It’s just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state — the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you, and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to admit when you are wrong and to building bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself; and you to make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever, settle for less than your heart’s desire.

And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility. Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side, you take a stand; you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can. Knowing it WILL BE the best.

- Virginia Marie Swift

Now its time to go figure out who this woman is and read more by her.

2009-11-01T13:09:00.004-05:00

"I don't believe in total freedom for the artist. Left on his own, free to do anything he likes, the artist ends up doing nothing at all. If there's one thing that's dangerous for an artist, it's precisely this question of total freedom, waiting for inspiration and the rest of it."

—Federico Fellini, I'm a Born Liar

Reading Culture Making and spending time digesting what I read has been pretty convicting... but then again so has a lot lately. I seem to be praying for direction a lot lately becasue I'm wandering around (or maybe more of sitting still) confused.

**artwork; "Waiting for Inspiration" by Leith O'Malley

Somtetimes Art Reflects Life and others Life Reflects Art...

2009-10-18T17:48:00.001-04:00

A lot of time people are like paintings; from afar they may look perfect and pristine, but as you get closer you start to see their flaws and imperfections. The closer you get to people (and yourself) the more you see your/their imperfections.

What if Life had a Rest Button?

2009-09-22T17:39:00.001-04:00

I remember sitting in the play room as a child playing on my old NES getting frustrated at every level that I couldn't complete with ease. Cursing under my breath so that mom would not hear. The 8-bit graphics could frustrate me more than anything real life could throw at me. There would come a point where I would get so angry that I would just in a fit of subdued "rage" take my frustrations out on a poor defenseless piece of molded plastic with the faded red ink that read "reset". One simple press is all it took, but my vindication was sought upon that button.
   I would then sit back down and restart the same game that I had just quit. Only to realize that those same sticking points, those same hardships were all there... and I had to beat them again... again! (remember this is the time before you had hard drives and save files in games)
   Did this ever change? Not until save files! Did slamming that reset button ever successfully do anything? No. It just made things harder and gave you a major case of deja vu.
   I for one am glad that there is no reset button for life... I mean really, does anyone want to go through their awkward stage of the "tweens" again? Or how about diapers? Formula? That time you wet the bed?

I am ill equipped.

2009-09-19T02:47:00.005-04:00

I am ill equipped to do all the grand things that my heart desires on my own. When will I stop trying to rely on myself and rely on the one who has done greater things that my wildest imagination can imagine?

I have the desire now I need to drop the fear.

**image by Todd Powelson

Phila.

2009-09-14T01:43:00.001-04:00

-Random meetings of people on the street which leads to an hour long talk on the sidewalk.
-Homeless people bathing in the fastfood bathrooms
-Food Cart lines
-crazy homeless people playing music.
-horse and carriages walking next to cars driving
-the art and theatre scene
-the grungy hipster kid who, is obviously not, sitting on the sidewalk holding a sign that reads "I need money so I can stop eating cardboard."
-seeing the nice rite aid worker man handle a dude stealing something in Rite Aid, no more than 2 minutes after he nicely pointed me to the travel toothbrushes.

Even though I have only been gone for a little more than a week. It seems like so much longer. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder. What if my heart has never left in the first place?

Seasons

2009-09-08T23:05:00.006-04:00

     I’m realizing as I get more and more involved in the christian culture that people talk about seasons in more than a simple weather terminology. I had never heard this before. A season of life, of the year. There can be many seasons of... something in one weather season.
     I have always believed in life changes happening around season changes. The end of the summer came and that ended my stint in Philly and i moved back to Jersey. As I moved to the place where everyone vacations too; all those vacationers were making their way back to wherever they lived. Having grown up here I have always seen this. In April we would see businesses start preparing for the onslaught of new people to, sadly, take advantage of with the high prices and cheap products. May would bring the population of my area up 200-300% Then in August a mass exodus would happen. Students leaving for school, vacation families leaving, some businesses closing. Another “season” on the books.
     It’s always easier to see what lead up to the closing of a season when it’s not your own. I’m back home in Jersey. Trying to figure out what my time here is meant to teach me. its showing me a lot of things. Good thing and bad things both about myself and what has become of my family over the past four years. ( when I was in school I didn’t go home very often during school ). This very short time has already shown me the way God has worked within me as I have
     Sitting here and hearing and seeing the suburban antics makes me realize more and more I am an Urban dweller and my heart is in the city; but for this season of my life I, for some reason, I am in a shore suburbanite... I know I’ll learn and be stretched during this season... I just hope that before the next season, I am onto my personal next season.

For now... my only seasonal chore is to... job hunt and get a friggin job! haha

Family Dinner

2009-08-24T18:22:00.004-04:00

I remember being a kid and just loving when my whole family got together to sit down and eat a dinner together, no matter what it was, i loved it. It could be hot dogs with mac n’ cheese or the occasional steak and veggies. It was so good sitting around with my siblings crying, mom trying to deal with babies, the younger siblings spilling drinks, running away from the table, dad tormenting all of us and mom yelling at him for doing such. Sitting around hearing Dad tell stories for how he did dumb things and got in trouble or, in the more fun situations, didn’t. Sometimes he would give us ideas on how to get in trouble and mom would give a good, “Jim! Don’t tell them that!” I would just smile and be silent.
Soon those dinners went quickly away to more of a rushed dinner so we could get back to homework, or off to this, that or the other. Dad was working more, I was old enough to not always be home for dinner, it was rare to have those family dinners; but, when we did have them... all those things came back and I loved it. Still do!
Today I was sitting in church as I do every Sunday, listening to the sermon, then we get to the point of communion. A simple yet such powerful act that has always held a special place in the service for me. The thoughts of having to leave liberti for a while was really rough, and this was kind of my last “family meal” for a while. That bothers me. Sure, I’ll eat bread again, more than likely drink wine again, probably even take communion... but its not with my family, It won’t be with my spiritual family; the ones I pray with, the ones I hang with and the ones that have frustrated me in the past, its all there, the family dynamics. One of the many thing that this family has that my biological family doesn’t... when my liberti family and I have bread and wine together... its so much more than just bread and wine.

All Other Ground is Sinking Sand.

2009-03-30T17:02:00.002-04:00

I need to start carrying a rock in my pocket so when I get depressed and down and my heart starts to want I can just reach in my pocket and hold on to the rock to remind myself that I am often cold as stone and I forget that the father has me in his hand, and that no matter how I’m feeling I need to remember to cling to my divine rock.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NIV)

Sabbath Day Humble Pie in my face!

2009-03-16T19:29:00.007-04:00

As I was sitting in church yesterday I was just kind of sitting there half thinking half listening to the announcements that were being spoken and its funny, I was complaining; to myself, that I really didn't want to do anything relating to my thesis right now. I was so over it, I felt like I was beating a dead horse, etc etc etc. I kept thinking I just want to get out of school and do missions and ya know do gods work; whatever that will look like come graduation....

here's where I got a nice steaming piece of humble pie...
God reminded me of that verse, that is highlighted and underlined in my bible, in Exodus 35:35

"He has filled them with skill to do all kinds of work as engravers, designers, embroiderers in blue, purple and scarlet yarn and fine linen, and weavers—all of them skilled workers and designers."

He filled them with the skill to be artists and to do their work to the glory of god. To top it off, my thesis is all about being "created with his hands..." using hands as metaphor for spirituality.

Here I am in church, complaining about NOT wanting to do any work on my thesis, which is smothered in God... and wanting to do Gods work... hrm.. and the pharisees were a little slow... HAH! I think they learned a little something from yours truly.

I wish I could say that I left church pumped about going back to my studio to merrily go on my way working on my thesis. I did go back, I did work on my thesis, I did start something pretty sweet... was I chipped and thankful that I was there...? I'm still workin' on that. Speaking of which, time to get back to work.

Speaking of work... here is a little preview of whats brewing in "la studio de mike". These are all small (less than 3") medallions that are part of my thesis

Angry Conversations with God

2009-03-12T17:34:00.004-04:00

Its really funny. .... spirituality, that is. I mean on one hand you have the God of love, who killed many of people and Jesus who was down with riding on a donkey calling himself the king?! Really? Really. If anything truthful can be made into a joke it's that... and I think Susan Isaacs did just that, in the most real way possible with her book "Angry Conversations with God: A Snarky But Authentic Spiritual Memoir" Susan tells us her story, not just her happy story with God, that's the cliche christian thing to do, but her whole story, the parts where she was like, what the flipity-flip God?! Which really makes a story anyone can read... not just people who believe in this donkey riding king.
If you want to meet Hippy Jesus, The Angry Father and Rudy among many equally interesting characters then I think you should go pick up Susan's book, your in for a snark filled, borderline blasphemous but in the end faith affirming good read! If you don't like snark and a down and dirty story about one womans dealing with god... get the book anyway and get over your dislike of snark.

Oh yeah... want to win the book? I'm holding this little contest here...

What do you have to do to win? Just describe your Jesus' personality. Is he more like a hippy? Buddy Christ? Mr Rogers? What does a conversation look like with him? Snark? No Snark. Sarcastic? The laid back hippy? Be creative.

Sorry the limit is 5 books so the best answers win, just leave em' in the comments. The Deadline is March 22nd at 11:59pm est.

...When We Needed You

2009-02-24T02:15:00.004-05:00

"you're the God of the rescue and you came through when we needed you."

Never have these words rung so true in my head. Tonight while working in my friends studio some how my friend Liz and I got to talking about what and in some cases who God has saved us from and it really made me think how great God is. How he has saved us from so many things... even things WE want to have happen to us. What we may think of as good God has other plans and Gods plan is always perfect. I have to keep telling myself this because something I have kind of been banking on, is not going to happen but Gods great commission will be and I have to continue to remind myself its not where I am, who I am with but that I am listening to God. and doing his will.

I pray that each and everyone of us can remember this.

Frustrations...

2008-10-07T08:49:00.005-04:00

As artists we're called to create, show and make culture. As Christians we're called to show Gods love, redemption and hope for the world. How does one do that without sticking to fluffy imagery? Think Thomas Kinkade, soothing lighting, pretty calming colors, nothing controversial, nothing that could offend. That's one of the struggles I'm going through right now. How do I continue with the path my art is going on while trying to be some sort of witness (whatever that might look like through the guise of art) to viewers of my art. Sure the easy answer is pray about it, which I do but at the same time God uses our logic and thoughts to answer our prayers... so where does that leave me? My only option is to have faith that the gifts the lord has graciously given to me are being used to give this glory right back to him.
After all is said and done I just have to have faith that what I am doing as both a Christian and an artist, and overall, is worthy and glorifying to God.

Twenty-First Time

2008-06-18T14:25:00.003-04:00

"Twenty-First Time" by Monk & Neagle
Nowhere to live, nowhere to fall
He used to have money, but he’s wasted it all.
His face is a photograph burned in my mind,
but I pretend not to see him for the twenty-first time

He sleeps under stars, that’s all he can afford
His blanket’s an old coat he’s had since the war
He stands on the corner of Carter and Vine
But I pretend not to see him for the twenty-first time

He may be a drifter, he’s grown old and gray
But what if he’s Jesus and I walk away?
I say I’m the body and drink of the wine
but I pretend not to see him for the twenty-first time

She’s twenty-nine but she feels forty-eight
She can’t raise three kids on minimum wage
She’s cryin’ in back of the welfare line
but I pretend not to see her for the twenty-first time

She may be a stranger tryin’ to get through the day
but what if it’s Jesus and I walk away?
I say I’m the body and drink of the wine
but I pretend not to see her for the twenty-first time

This is a call for a change in my heart
I realize that I’ve not been doin’ my part
when I needed a Savior, I found it in Him
He gave to me, now I’ll give back to them

Drifter or stranger, father or son
I’ll look for Jesus in every one
’cause I am the body and drink of the wine
and I’m thankful there’s more than the twenty-first time

I remember the first time I heard that song, it was like a knife through my ice heart I remember it like it was yesterday. I was getting nestled into my bed, in my heated room. Yeah, it was really a cheesy sounding song, but the lyrics were definitely directed at me. It was right after a friend of mine was trying her hardest to get the Christian group at my school to go out and help out at this mission. I never went, I had more important things to do, like... procrastinate in my studio and talk with friends and keep telling myself i was working. After about a half of semester of no one going with her, she stopped. What did I say? Good, we'll go back to having our meetings.

How can I be so selfish?!
I never knew the name of this song, or anything other than the part about the twenty-first time. So I couldn't add it to my itunes playlist. I would hear this song on the radio station occasionally, and I would never hear the artists name or anything, and I could never find the song online, but it spoke to me everytime. It always made me remember Mathew 25:31 - 46

"31"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. 32All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

34"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

37"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

40"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

41"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'

44"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'

45"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'

46"Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.""

I wish I could sit here typing this just coming back from helping out feeding the homeless or volunteering at a soup kitchen or something. Nope. I did find the song though. heh To be honest I have so many excuses to why I can't go do that. "Its not safe", "I don't have money to give; I can barely afford my own food", "They're just going to use it for drugs", "Some people are meant to minister other places". I can go on forever; but when I'm real with myself I know its just my selfishness and my bias. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that thank God, or more so Jesus for basically taking my fall for being such a cold jerk. I also pray that through ways that we dont know or understand (Isaiah 55:8) he would come and change my heart; because I'm tired of walking down the street and ignoring these people, but I can't stop...

Needs and wants.

2008-06-02T00:08:00.003-04:00

In my last post I spoke about how restless I have been for a while. I still am, but I just felt the urge to publicly praise and thank god for giving me what he gave me this morning.

This morning I wake up tired, like I have been for the past few weeks, why I don't know. I have a feeling it might be because of the heat and that the air conditioning unit for the public areas of my apartment building is right outside my bedroom window; which is right where the head of my bed is located. So I wake up and I'm tired, so tired that I almost say screw church and just stay home and not sleep. After falling back asleep for a few minutes I decided to get up and go make a cup of coffee and see what happened. So, I make my coffee and breakfast, go over to my window and just sit there looking out at the corner. Then it happened... an amazing sense of calmness came over me as I just looked out over the intersection, there were few people out, the ones that were just strolled and enjoyed their coffee, there were no cars and just the sounds of birds singing. Then I just at that moment started talking to God, thanking him for this amazing sense of calmness he gave me. I just sat there, calm, still, knowing that God is, was and will be. After that I just went back into my room, popped on some music and layed on my bed just resting before church.

Then it hit me, if I know that God is and was and will be the great provider, why do I worry? Why do I stress? God gives you what you want when you need what you want.

Lord I want to thank you for being a God who knows what your children need and when to give them what they want. Thank you for always being there for us when sometimes; we aren't there for you. Lord, I pray that you can give the rest of your children that are restless and frustrated that amazing sense of calmness that you so graciously gave to me this morning. Thank you for letting me sit there and bask in the glory that is your world and your creation. Amen.

Cant I just skip ahead a page or two

2008-05-26T00:27:00.007-04:00

     Its funny how things can go so right for so long and then over night, nothing changes, but it just seems so wrong. I don't know what it is or what spurred this but my comfort has recently been shaken. I don't feel comfortable anymore. It might be a good thing, it might be just what I needed. One day I woke up and kinda felt that a lot what felt so right, friend ships, where I am living, who I am living with and where I'm going to school and the fact that I am IN school everything just kinda... turned upside down.
     For the longest time I was so sure that I wanted to live in the city and live the city life and just be here for ever. I have learned to love Philadelphia like that dysfunctional family member who you really like but they annoy the heck out of you. But recently, I've been in at a bit of a cross roads. I recently took a trip out to the suburbs of the city to a relatives house and I was sitting outside, on the porch with a beer in my hand surrounded by trees and greenery, I didn't hear cars, no screaming, no sirens, nothing but the sounds of the trees moving and the birds singing, and the people who I was with. It was so nice. I love the greenery, I love the fresh air, I love... not hearing the prostitutes on my corner cat calling at cars that go by. But at the same time when I'm gone from the city for more than a long weekend, I start to miss those sounds and cant wait to get back to the city. I really feel the urge to be here in the city and do... something. God definitely has me here for a reason... what that reason is, I have no clue. I just have to trust God's plan. His plan has been good for me so far so why am I doubting now? I don't know.
     It seems at this stage of my life God is not working fast enough for me, I think I have Philadelphia to thank for that. I recently had it told to me that I have no patience. Boy did that rub me the wrong way. We (myself and a group of non Philadelphia dwellers) were out and about, had no where to be, no hurry, but me being the Philadelphian I am had to get no where FAST. As we were walking, moseying is more like it, i would all of a sudden notice that I was like 5 steps ahead of them and they were back there stopped and talking. So I would stop, turn around with a sigh and go back. This happened a few times and finally I just asked if we could get there already, we could get there and THEN talk or we could walk and talk. Thats when I she looked at me and said, whats your rush? Slow down. "We've got no where to be except here." Thats when it hit me, its true I am learning to be a true Philadelphian, hurry u and wait, or hurry up and go no where. I have a hard time just being. I've always got to be doing something, if im not doing something im trying to figure out a place where I have to go.
     This has recently hit me again. The school semester is over and I have nothing to do... and I really don't like it at all. I am restless. I have to be doing something. I can't not do anything. I need to learn to listen to psalm 37:7 & 34 "Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways" "Wait for the LORD, and keep his way. He will exalt you to inherit the land; " The key word being wait.
     I can't help but feeling like the kid who while reading, gets bored towards the middle of the chapter and just wants to skip ahead to the beginning of the next chapter. I think I am so ready for the next chapter, but obviously God disagrees, or I would be there already.

A Gift...

2008-03-21T22:19:00.001-04:00

     As children we're given gifts, at the same time we're taught that it is polite to say thank you even if we are so excited and ready to go play with them. Those thank yous are sometimes simple, barely understandable, squeals of "THANKYOU!" as we scamper off to go enjoy our new toy. Other times, usually as we grow up we realize that this gift took time and energy to pick out, so we are thoughtful about our thanks that we give.
     Growing up, I was a very fortunate child, I was given many gifts, ones I asked for and sometimes ones I didn't, but they were things my mother or father had over heard me say that I wanted or something that I had gotten excited for when I saw a commercial on television. Each and every time I was given something I was thankful, even if it was a little toy from the dollar store. I was thankful and I knew it made them happy to see me happy. But the most important thing was that I was thankful, If i didn't say thank you my parents would ask, "What do you say?" and I would often realize that I didn't thank them or whoever gave me the gift and Thank them.
     As of lately I find myself not remembering to say thank you. I look around and I see many people with SO many talents and blessings from God. Rather than realizing what I have been given I envy. I turn into a spoiled child, I know what I have, and I'm told it is good but I want more an better that what is mine. I have been forgetting to say thank you to God. I forget to give him thanks for the gift life and eternal life. I forget to give him thanks for the wonderful friends and family I have. I have been forgetting to thank him for one of my personal favorites, the gift of creation. God has given me the gift of being able to look at things around me and see them in a different light. The gift of being an artist.
     I love being an artist. I love having the ability to see things in a different light. I revel in the fact that I can create. Every time I get acknowledgment for my art I know that it wasn't me but it was him. I give him the glory... but I never thank him. If I remember to thank a friend for a small gift yet      With Easter upon our door steps I wanna encourage you to seek out the lord and thank him for not only everything he has done for you with sending his son to die on the cross but thank him for the small things, thank for the big things, thank him for everything. The good bad and ugly. Thank him in everything.

" But he said to her, "You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?" In all this Job did not sin with his lips. "   Job 2:10

Something's Missing.

2008-02-07T19:29:00.001-05:00

³⁵"Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? ³⁵It is fit neither for the soil nor for the manure pile; it is thrown out. "He who has ears to hear, let him hear.""
- Luke 14:34

For the past few days I have been feeling like a void is within me, like something isn't there, something is missing. Sounds like a pretty existentialist thing to say but it's true. It's really be kinda hard for me to think that this void has been brought on by actions I've been doing and/or rather actions I haven't been doing. I've been going though some busy times in school. I switched my major this semester and it's kind of a whole new world I had figured out how to do what I had wanted to do and what I needed to do.

When I was in my previous major I was able to make time for work, friends, church and just procrastination. I had formed a schedule that let me do what I wanted to do and what I needed to do. Now it seems like I don't have time to do anything... which sadly means spending time with my God, my manual for life and time in communication with the guy that I owe my life to, Jesus. I didn't till quite literally just now, realize what was missing. I feel like a fool for not realizing this. This happened to me once already but I don't want it to happen again. I think as I sit here writing this Jesus is using the void to make me realize that I am not "filling my tank" with the word of God. Sadly something I always struggle with

As I sit here I'm listening to some podcasts of my pastors sermons and as I sit here something that my pastor said during one of his prayers, "We need you! Without you we are nothing! Without you we can do nothing." I needed to hear that, that was God reminding that yes I am getting busy and yes its tough but I need to remember that I need a wonderful counselor, mighty God, everlasting father, prince of peace. I need peace right now, I need someone I can talk to, I need someone to pick me up.

I continue to struggle with finding the time to do anything right now... but I need to find that time... i need that time to "fill my tank" Nothings going to work without my fuel.

Circles.

2008-01-25T10:26:00.001-05:00

As I sit here in the morning having woken up way too early for work I decide its time for me to just lay in bed all ready to go and just listen to some music. I turn on the tunes and just let it shuffle, but as I lay there with my eyes closed and song after song is played I start to get lost in my thoughts, getting myself a little mentally restless. Thats no good, but as soon as I'm ready to get up my playlist decides to play Not Ashamed by the awesome but disbanded group Kurios. Im sure most of you dont know who kurios is but they were an awesome band that was really influential in my deciding to be a christian.

Even during the time when I was at my lowest during my bouts with depression years ago and basically had turned my back on God i still listened to this group. They were something that I cried to, got pissed off to, and got back to a decent place with. I know it sounds like every other emo teen, but its weird, even though they are now disbanded and the remaining members have created another AWESOME band, the lyrics and the memories that I have from this band is just such a humbling experience. Knowing that even in my lowest anti-god point, he was still there working on me, making permanent changes in me. Its really freakin' awesome to have someone like that there for you. I'm just going to sit here and be humbled as I listen to some memory filled music. So many memories good bad and indifferent.

When God finds a spot to work his "magic" the way he does with music and me its awesome.

What a difference a year makes

2008-01-24T01:51:00.001-05:00

As February fast approaches I'm reminded what amazing things can happen in a years time. This time last year I was a lost soul looking for something. I was looking in beer cans and and shot glasses. (man does that make me sound like I was an alcoholic?!) I had a good time doing it. Do I regret it? Not at all. Do I want to do it again? Nope. I thought having fun with the help of a drink with some friends was a good time. I was always smiling when I had a drink with friends.

Rewind even further, three years ago. I was depressed, I was calling out to God in a "Please help me God, I'm going into a life changing surgery, I need you, you gave me a Christian doctor, I remember you from church, "your only begotten son blah blah blah" please guide the doctors knife as he slices and dices me. Oh your done? I'm recovered? Awesome! Thanks God Ill talk to ya later... sucker." Hrm... it almost pains me to write that, but thats how I was for a bit. I'm ashamed.

Lets come back to last year. This time last year a lovely time wouldn't you say? Right. So after God saw how messed up I was and how much of a broken sinner I was he decided to step in and bring me back to him. He got me to goto a lovely college Christian retreat called Jubilee. I didn't really understand the power that Jubilee could have one someone, or at least the seed planting capabilities that it had. Boy did it have it. After attending Jubilee my friend, my savior and my God started working like lightning in my heart. He turned me around and filled that void that I had in me. He filled it so it burst and I wanted to tell EVERYONE about how awesome he was/is/forever will be.

I am filled with a joy right now, as I write this, that is so humbling. To see someone be used and abused like I did to my friend; only to have him come back and help me back up on my feet and dust me off, even carry me for a little bit. Its baffling why and how he does it. I don't know if I could do that. Its probably a good thing that I wasn't sent to the earth to save the population 'ey?

Its amazing what can happen in a year. A fall. A spring back. A Joyous sunny season. As that Jubilee thing approaches again I am renewed with a faith that is in a new better place. I approach this conference with a heart for Jesus and a calling to do his work. To be a light for him. To help other college kids like myself. Knowing if I want to succeed I need to keep my eye looking upwards and my heart opened.

Amen.

A New Start.

2008-01-14T22:30:00.001-05:00

So I have been an avid livejournal user for years, when they still had invited codes baby! I still read and keep up with my friends on livejournal but for me to blog on, I feel that... I just need a new start. A place where I can be open a place where when I look back I don't see discouraging posts about depression, past mistakes and old friends that were no good for me. Here I can have a fresh start.

I feel this fresh start is more symbolic for me than an actual fresh start. My walk with my lord over the past year has really been strengthened and my God has changed me for the best, he has been molding me to a new person, with the good and bad traits of the old.

Yet, O LORD, you are our Father.
We are the clay, you are the potter;
we are all the work of your hand.
-Isaiah 64:8

I feel here I can gush about my experiences with God and where I have my struggles, where I have seen God change me. How I incorporate God into my passion of art and into everyday life even. Sometimes I'll post about how the lord has quenched my thirst through the reading of his word, anything that I have to talk, and sometimes gush, about.