If you could go back five years & tell yourself something...

What would those five things be? A twitter friend of mine asked this on her blog and this is what I commented;

“01. Grow some balls kid! Kiss the girl! (or at least let her know you like her)

02. Don’t get woo’ed by the fancy fine arts department of your school! Keep to your guns and go into graphic design or illustration

03. Minor in Art Therapy, I know you want to focus on your art, but this will help you in the 2nd semester of senior year when you realize you want to go to grad school for this!

04. Keep up with the vegetarian eating, you’re losing tons of weight and the family is actually supporting your diet. Keep it up. (i have severely slacked in this department lately)

05. Push yourself to the limit with networking, jobbing and interning, the socialization can happen in class and at night, make those connections, don’t focus solely on friendships.”

I always say I don't have regrets, because quite frankly I don't like to think of making the "wrong" decision because having not gone into sculpture, and ultimately printmaking (i switched majors my Jr. year) I wouldn't have met and formed awesome relationships with the people I did. I mean they say hindsight is 20/20 so its easy to see where decisions could have been made different and the ultimate outcome would have left me in, not necessarily better, but a different place. Who knows for a fact but I'd like to think that I made the right decisions in the moment.

If you could have gone back and told the five years ago "you" five things, what would they be? Either comment here or write your own post about them! ( and send me a link to your post). I'd love to hear them!

Today I was chatting casually on gchat with a friend of mine and I forget how we got on the subject, but I said that the only thing I think I would give up my artistic abilities for would be to be able to play music.  I guess that stems from love for music and how much music plays a part in my life, everything from artistic inspiration to worship. But anyway, a small discussion on how when we use the talents we have been given by God, thats when we feel closest.

Normally I am not a normally a biblical commentary kind of guy, but two days ago I just happened to glance through this one and as my friend and I continued our chat it resonated within me.  In the  commentary it made mention of how in the Hebrew language, names are more than just names, they have meaning.

"In the names given the first antediluvian (pre-flood) patriarchs from Adam to Noah God 'made known the end from the beginning.' His purpose is clear. Here is the list of names and their meanings:

Names--------------------- Meaning
Adam---------------------- Man
Seth------------------------ appointed
Enosh---------------------- mortal
Kenan---------------------- sorrow
Mahalelel------------------- the blessed God
Jared----------------------- shall come down
Enoch----------------------- teaching
Methuselah----------------- his death shall bring
Lamech--------------------- despairing
Noah------------------------ rest or comfort

Put them all together and the LORD says:

Man is appointed mortal sorrow. The blessed God shall come down teaching His death shall bring the despairing rest."

Right there through the names of the people... he has told the gospel story from start to finish, again, showing that he plans everything for a reason.

Not only does God give us unique abilities which lead to unique ways to worship him, he does that for a reason.  God has created everyone with their own purpose in life.  He has given us skill and countless ways that we can come before him and worship.  This cements the fact that God has created us to continually worship and honor him in all we do; be it playing music, using art, singing, writing, you name it, if it is honoring God and appealing to him then it was meant to be used as a form of worship.

Just like the names of the  antediluvian telling the story, that is no coincidence, the fact that we can worship God in so many different ways is no coincidence.  It proves that we're meant to worship him in every and all ways.

Forgotten.

I think somewhere between last spring and the middle of fall, I lost my direction. I have wandered around in what feels like a wilderness for a while looking for something to lead me in the direction, never looking in the right places, feeling forgotten. Going through the motions but never changing where I look. I feel like I finally have the scent... but I'm still on the path, this meandering path, called life.

Somtetimes Art Reflects Life and others Life Reflects Art...

A lot of time people are like paintings;  from afar they may look perfect and pristine, but as you get closer you start to see their flaws and imperfections.  The closer you get to people (and yourself) the more you see your/their imperfections.

What if Life had a Rest Button?

I remember sitting in the play room as a child playing on my old NES getting frustrated at every level that I couldn't complete with ease. Cursing under my breath so that mom would not hear. The 8-bit graphics could frustrate me more than anything real life could throw at me. There would come a point where I would get so angry that I would just in a fit of subdued "rage" take my frustrations out on a poor defenseless piece of molded plastic with the faded red ink that read "reset". One simple press is all it took, but my vindication was sought upon that button.
   I would then sit back down and restart the same game that I had just quit.  Only to realize that those same sticking points, those same hardships were all there... and I had to beat them again... again! (remember this is the time before you had hard drives and save files in games)
   Did this ever change?  Not until save files!  Did slamming that reset button ever successfully do anything?  No.  It just made things harder and gave you a major case of deja vu.
   I for one am glad that there is no reset button for life... I mean really, does anyone want to go through their awkward stage of the "tweens" again?  Or how about diapers?  Formula?  That time you wet the bed?

I am ill equipped.

I am ill equipped to do all the grand things that my heart desires on my own. When will I stop trying to rely on myself and rely on the one who has done greater things that my wildest imagination can imagine?


I have the desire now I need to drop the fear.

**image by Todd Powelson

Seasons

     I’m realizing as I get more and more involved in the christian culture that people talk about seasons in more than a simple weather terminology. I had never heard this before. A season of life, of the year. There can be many seasons of... something in one weather season.
     I have always believed in life changes happening around season changes. The end of the summer came and that ended my stint in Philly and i moved back to Jersey. As I moved to the place where everyone vacations too; all those vacationers were making their way back to wherever they lived. Having grown up here I have always seen this. In April we would see businesses start preparing for the onslaught of new people to, sadly, take advantage of with the high prices and cheap products. May would bring the population of my area up 200-300% Then in August a mass exodus would happen. Students leaving for school, vacation families leaving, some businesses closing. Another “season” on the books.
     It’s always easier to see what lead up to the closing of a season when it’s not your own. I’m back home in Jersey. Trying to figure out what my time here is meant to teach me. its showing me a lot of things. Good thing and bad things both about myself and what has become of my family over the past four years. ( when I was in school I didn’t go home very often during school ). This very short time has already shown me the way God has worked within me as I have
     Sitting here and hearing and seeing the suburban antics makes me realize more and more I am an Urban dweller and my heart is in the city; but for this season of my life I, for some reason, I am in a shore suburbanite... I know I’ll learn and be stretched during this season... I just hope that before the next season, I am onto my personal next season.


For now... my only seasonal chore is to... job hunt and get a friggin job! haha

Family Dinner

I remember being a kid and just loving when my whole family got together to sit down and eat a dinner together, no matter what it was, i loved it. It could be hot dogs with mac n’ cheese or the occasional steak and veggies. It was so good sitting around with my siblings crying, mom trying to deal with babies, the younger siblings spilling drinks, running away from the table, dad tormenting all of us and mom yelling at him for doing such. Sitting around hearing Dad tell stories for how he did dumb things and got in trouble or, in the more fun situations, didn’t. Sometimes he would give us ideas on how to get in trouble and mom would give a good, “Jim! Don’t tell them that!” I would just smile and be silent.
Soon those dinners went quickly away to more of a rushed dinner so we could get back to homework, or off to this, that or the other. Dad was working more, I was old enough to not always be home for dinner, it was rare to have those family dinners; but, when we did have them... all those things came back and I loved it. Still do!
Today I was sitting in church as I do every Sunday, listening to the sermon, then we get to the point of communion. A simple yet such powerful act that has always held a special place in the service for me. The thoughts of having to leave liberti for a while was really rough, and this was kind of my last “family meal” for a while. That bothers me. Sure, I’ll eat bread again, more than likely drink wine again, probably even take communion... but its not with my family, It won’t be with my spiritual family; the ones I pray with, the ones I hang with and the ones that have frustrated me in the past, its all there, the family dynamics. One of the many thing that this family has that my biological family doesn’t... when my liberti family and I have bread and wine together... its so much more than just bread and wine.

Sabbath Day Humble Pie in my face!

As I was sitting in church yesterday I was just kind of sitting there half thinking half listening to the announcements that were being spoken and its funny, I was complaining; to myself, that I really didn't want to do anything relating to my thesis right now. I was so over it, I felt like I was beating a dead horse, etc etc etc. I kept thinking I just want to get out of school and do missions and ya know do gods work; whatever that will look like come graduation....

here's where I got a nice steaming piece of humble pie...
God reminded me of that verse, that is highlighted and underlined in my bible, in Exodus 35:35

"He has filled them with skill to do all kinds of work as engravers, designers, embroiderers in blue, purple and scarlet yarn and fine linen, and weavers—all of them skilled workers and designers."

He filled them with the skill to be artists and to do their work to the glory of god. To top it off, my thesis is all about being "created with his hands..." using hands as metaphor for spirituality.

Here I am in church, complaining about NOT wanting to do any work on my thesis, which is smothered in God... and wanting to do Gods work... hrm.. and the pharisees were a little slow... HAH! I think they learned a little something from yours truly.

I wish I could say that I left church pumped about going back to my studio to merrily go on my way working on my thesis. I did go back, I did work on my thesis, I did start something pretty sweet... was I chipped and thankful that I was there...? I'm still workin' on that. Speaking of which, time to get back to work.

Speaking of work... here is a little preview of whats brewing in "la studio de mike". These are all small (less than 3") medallions that are part of my thesis

    

...When We Needed You

"you're the God of the rescue and you came through when we needed you."

Never have these words rung so true in my head. Tonight while working in my friends studio some how my friend Liz and I got to talking about what and in some cases who God has saved us from and it really made me think how great God is. How he has saved us from so many things... even things WE want to have happen to us. What we may think of as good God has other plans and Gods plan is always perfect. I have to keep telling myself this because something I have kind of been banking on, is not going to happen but Gods great commission will be and I have to continue to remind myself its not where I am, who I am with but that I am listening to God. and doing his will.

I pray that each and everyone of us can remember this.

Needs and wants.

In my last post I spoke about how restless I have been for a while. I still am, but I just felt the urge to publicly praise and thank god for giving me what he gave me this morning.

This morning I wake up tired, like I have been for the past few weeks, why I don't know. I have a feeling it might be because of the heat and that the air conditioning unit for the public areas of my apartment building is right outside my bedroom window; which is right where the head of my bed is located. So I wake up and I'm tired, so tired that I almost say screw church and just stay home and not sleep. After falling back asleep for a few minutes I decided to get up and go make a cup of coffee and see what happened. So, I make my coffee and breakfast, go over to my window and just sit there looking out at the corner. Then it happened... an amazing sense of calmness came over me as I just looked out over the intersection, there were few people out, the ones that were just strolled and enjoyed their coffee, there were no cars and just the sounds of birds singing. Then I just at that moment started talking to God, thanking him for this amazing sense of calmness he gave me. I just sat there, calm, still, knowing that God is, was and will be. After that I just went back into my room, popped on some music and layed on my bed just resting before church.

Then it hit me, if I know that God is and was and will be the great provider, why do I worry? Why do I stress? God gives you what you want when you need what you want.

Lord I want to thank you for being a God who knows what your children need and when to give them what they want. Thank you for always being there for us when sometimes; we aren't there for you. Lord, I pray that you can give the rest of your children that are restless and frustrated that amazing sense of calmness that you so graciously gave to me this morning. Thank you for letting me sit there and bask in the glory that is your world and your creation. Amen.

Cant I just skip ahead a page or two

     Its funny how things can go so right for so long and then over night, nothing changes, but it just seems so wrong. I don't know what it is or what spurred this but my comfort has recently been shaken. I don't feel comfortable anymore. It might be a good thing, it might be just what I needed. One day I woke up and kinda felt that a lot what felt so right, friend ships, where I am living, who I am living with and where I'm going to school and the fact that I am IN school everything just kinda... turned upside down.
     For the longest time I was so sure that I wanted to live in the city and live the city life and just be here for ever. I have learned to love Philadelphia like that dysfunctional family member who you really like but they annoy the heck out of you. But recently, I've been in at a bit of a cross roads. I recently took a trip out to the suburbs of the city to a relatives house and I was sitting outside, on the porch with a beer in my hand surrounded by trees and greenery, I didn't hear cars, no screaming, no sirens, nothing but the sounds of the trees moving and the birds singing, and the people who I was with. It was so nice. I love the greenery, I love the fresh air, I love... not hearing the prostitutes on my corner cat calling at cars that go by. But at the same time when I'm gone from the city for more than a long weekend, I start to miss those sounds and cant wait to get back to the city. I really feel the urge to be here in the city and do... something. God definitely has me here for a reason... what that reason is, I have no clue. I just have to trust God's plan. His plan has been good for me so far so why am I doubting now? I don't know.
     It seems at this stage of my life God is not working fast enough for me, I think I have Philadelphia to thank for that. I recently had it told to me that I have no patience. Boy did that rub me the wrong way. We (myself and a group of non Philadelphia dwellers) were out and about, had no where to be, no hurry, but me being the Philadelphian I am had to get no where FAST. As we were walking, moseying is more like it, i would all of a sudden notice that I was like 5 steps ahead of them and they were back there stopped and talking. So I would stop, turn around with a sigh and go back. This happened a few times and finally I just asked if we could get there already, we could get there and THEN talk or we could walk and talk. Thats when I she looked at me and said, whats your rush? Slow down. "We've got no where to be except here." Thats when it hit me, its true I am learning to be a true Philadelphian, hurry u and wait, or hurry up and go no where. I have a hard time just being. I've always got to be doing something, if im not doing something im trying to figure out a place where I have to go.
     This has recently hit me again. The school semester is over and I have nothing to do... and I really don't like it at all. I am restless. I have to be doing something. I can't not do anything. I need to learn to listen to psalm 37:7 & 34 "Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways" "Wait for the LORD, and keep his way. He will exalt you to inherit the land; " The key word being wait.
     I can't help but feeling like the kid who while reading, gets bored towards the middle of the chapter and just wants to skip ahead to the beginning of the next chapter. I think I am so ready for the next chapter, but obviously God disagrees, or I would be there already.

A Gift...

     As children we're given gifts, at the same time we're taught that it is polite to say thank you even if we are so excited and ready to go play with them. Those thank yous are sometimes simple, barely understandable, squeals of "THANKYOU!" as we scamper off to go enjoy our new toy. Other times, usually as we grow up we realize that this gift took time and energy to pick out, so we are thoughtful about our thanks that we give.
     Growing up, I was a very fortunate child, I was given many gifts, ones I asked for and sometimes ones I didn't, but they were things my mother or father had over heard me say that I wanted or something that I had gotten excited for when I saw a commercial on television. Each and every time I was given something I was thankful, even if it was a little toy from the dollar store. I was thankful and I knew it made them happy to see me happy. But the most important thing was that I was thankful, If i didn't say thank you my parents would ask, "What do you say?" and I would often realize that I didn't thank them or whoever gave me the gift and Thank them.
     As of lately I find myself not remembering to say thank you. I look around and I see many people with SO many talents and blessings from God. Rather than realizing what I have been given I envy. I turn into a spoiled child, I know what I have, and I'm told it is good but I want more an better that what is mine. I have been forgetting to say thank you to God. I forget to give him thanks for the gift life and eternal life. I forget to give him thanks for the wonderful friends and family I have. I have been forgetting to thank him for one of my personal favorites, the gift of creation. God has given me the gift of being able to look at things around me and see them in a different light. The gift of being an artist.
     I love being an artist. I love having the ability to see things in a different light. I revel in the fact that I can create. Every time I get acknowledgment for my art I know that it wasn't me but it was him. I give him the glory... but I never thank him. If I remember to thank a friend for a small gift yet      With Easter upon our door steps I wanna encourage you to seek out the lord and thank him for not only everything he has done for you with sending his son to die on the cross but thank him for the small things, thank for the big things, thank him for everything. The good bad and ugly. Thank him in everything.

" But he said to her, "You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?" In all this Job did not sin with his lips. "   Job 2:10

Circles.

As I sit here in the morning having woken up way too early for work I decide its time for me to just lay in bed all ready to go and just listen to some music. I turn on the tunes and just let it shuffle, but as I lay there with my eyes closed and song after song is played I start to get lost in my thoughts, getting myself a little mentally restless. Thats no good, but as soon as I'm ready to get up my playlist decides to play Not Ashamed by the awesome but disbanded group Kurios. Im sure most of you dont know who kurios is but they were an awesome band that was really influential in my deciding to be a christian.

Even during the time when I was at my lowest during my bouts with depression years ago and basically had turned my back on God i still listened to this group. They were something that I cried to, got pissed off to, and got back to a decent place with. I know it sounds like every other emo teen, but its weird, even though they are now disbanded and the remaining members have created another AWESOME band, the lyrics and the memories that I have from this band is just such a humbling experience. Knowing that even in my lowest anti-god point, he was still there working on me, making permanent changes in me. Its really freakin' awesome to have someone like that there for you. I'm just going to sit here and be humbled as I listen to some memory filled music. So many memories good bad and indifferent.

When God finds a spot to work his "magic" the way he does with music and me its awesome.

What a difference a year makes

As February fast approaches I'm reminded what amazing things can happen in a years time. This time last year I was a lost soul looking for something. I was looking in beer cans and and shot glasses. (man does that make me sound like I was an alcoholic?!) I had a good time doing it. Do I regret it? Not at all. Do I want to do it again? Nope. I thought having fun with the help of a drink with some friends was a good time. I was always smiling when I had a drink with friends.

Rewind even further, three years ago. I was depressed, I was calling out to God in a "Please help me God, I'm going into a life changing surgery, I need you, you gave me a Christian doctor, I remember you from church, "your only begotten son blah blah blah" please guide the doctors knife as he slices and dices me. Oh your done? I'm recovered? Awesome! Thanks God Ill talk to ya later... sucker." Hrm... it almost pains me to write that, but thats how I was for a bit. I'm ashamed.

Lets come back to last year. This time last year a lovely time wouldn't you say? Right. So after God saw how messed up I was and how much of a broken sinner I was he decided to step in and bring me back to him. He got me to goto a lovely college Christian retreat called Jubilee. I didn't really understand the power that Jubilee could have one someone, or at least the seed planting capabilities that it had. Boy did it have it. After attending Jubilee my friend, my savior and my God started working like lightning in my heart. He turned me around and filled that void that I had in me. He filled it so it burst and I wanted to tell EVERYONE about how awesome he was/is/forever will be.

I am filled with a joy right now, as I write this, that is so humbling. To see someone be used and abused like I did to my friend; only to have him come back and help me back up on my feet and dust me off, even carry me for a little bit. Its baffling why and how he does it. I don't know if I could do that. Its probably a good thing that I wasn't sent to the earth to save the population 'ey?

Its amazing what can happen in a year. A fall. A spring back. A Joyous sunny season. As that Jubilee thing approaches again I am renewed with a faith that is in a new better place. I approach this conference with a heart for Jesus and a calling to do his work. To be a light for him. To help other college kids like myself. Knowing if I want to succeed I need to keep my eye looking upwards and my heart opened.

Amen.