thankfulTHURSDAY #1

one of these days I'll do this. I contrary to popular opinion (and by popular opinion I mean mine) I do have thing to be thankful for. For all I know I might come back and edit this later. Who knows.

What if Life had a Rest Button?

I remember sitting in the play room as a child playing on my old NES getting frustrated at every level that I couldn't complete with ease. Cursing under my breath so that mom would not hear. The 8-bit graphics could frustrate me more than anything real life could throw at me. There would come a point where I would get so angry that I would just in a fit of subdued "rage" take my frustrations out on a poor defenseless piece of molded plastic with the faded red ink that read "reset". One simple press is all it took, but my vindication was sought upon that button.
   I would then sit back down and restart the same game that I had just quit.  Only to realize that those same sticking points, those same hardships were all there... and I had to beat them again... again! (remember this is the time before you had hard drives and save files in games)
   Did this ever change?  Not until save files!  Did slamming that reset button ever successfully do anything?  No.  It just made things harder and gave you a major case of deja vu.
   I for one am glad that there is no reset button for life... I mean really, does anyone want to go through their awkward stage of the "tweens" again?  Or how about diapers?  Formula?  That time you wet the bed?

Family Dinner

I remember being a kid and just loving when my whole family got together to sit down and eat a dinner together, no matter what it was, i loved it. It could be hot dogs with mac n’ cheese or the occasional steak and veggies. It was so good sitting around with my siblings crying, mom trying to deal with babies, the younger siblings spilling drinks, running away from the table, dad tormenting all of us and mom yelling at him for doing such. Sitting around hearing Dad tell stories for how he did dumb things and got in trouble or, in the more fun situations, didn’t. Sometimes he would give us ideas on how to get in trouble and mom would give a good, “Jim! Don’t tell them that!” I would just smile and be silent.
Soon those dinners went quickly away to more of a rushed dinner so we could get back to homework, or off to this, that or the other. Dad was working more, I was old enough to not always be home for dinner, it was rare to have those family dinners; but, when we did have them... all those things came back and I loved it. Still do!
Today I was sitting in church as I do every Sunday, listening to the sermon, then we get to the point of communion. A simple yet such powerful act that has always held a special place in the service for me. The thoughts of having to leave liberti for a while was really rough, and this was kind of my last “family meal” for a while. That bothers me. Sure, I’ll eat bread again, more than likely drink wine again, probably even take communion... but its not with my family, It won’t be with my spiritual family; the ones I pray with, the ones I hang with and the ones that have frustrated me in the past, its all there, the family dynamics. One of the many thing that this family has that my biological family doesn’t... when my liberti family and I have bread and wine together... its so much more than just bread and wine.

Needs and wants.

In my last post I spoke about how restless I have been for a while. I still am, but I just felt the urge to publicly praise and thank god for giving me what he gave me this morning.

This morning I wake up tired, like I have been for the past few weeks, why I don't know. I have a feeling it might be because of the heat and that the air conditioning unit for the public areas of my apartment building is right outside my bedroom window; which is right where the head of my bed is located. So I wake up and I'm tired, so tired that I almost say screw church and just stay home and not sleep. After falling back asleep for a few minutes I decided to get up and go make a cup of coffee and see what happened. So, I make my coffee and breakfast, go over to my window and just sit there looking out at the corner. Then it happened... an amazing sense of calmness came over me as I just looked out over the intersection, there were few people out, the ones that were just strolled and enjoyed their coffee, there were no cars and just the sounds of birds singing. Then I just at that moment started talking to God, thanking him for this amazing sense of calmness he gave me. I just sat there, calm, still, knowing that God is, was and will be. After that I just went back into my room, popped on some music and layed on my bed just resting before church.

Then it hit me, if I know that God is and was and will be the great provider, why do I worry? Why do I stress? God gives you what you want when you need what you want.

Lord I want to thank you for being a God who knows what your children need and when to give them what they want. Thank you for always being there for us when sometimes; we aren't there for you. Lord, I pray that you can give the rest of your children that are restless and frustrated that amazing sense of calmness that you so graciously gave to me this morning. Thank you for letting me sit there and bask in the glory that is your world and your creation. Amen.

A Gift...

     As children we're given gifts, at the same time we're taught that it is polite to say thank you even if we are so excited and ready to go play with them. Those thank yous are sometimes simple, barely understandable, squeals of "THANKYOU!" as we scamper off to go enjoy our new toy. Other times, usually as we grow up we realize that this gift took time and energy to pick out, so we are thoughtful about our thanks that we give.
     Growing up, I was a very fortunate child, I was given many gifts, ones I asked for and sometimes ones I didn't, but they were things my mother or father had over heard me say that I wanted or something that I had gotten excited for when I saw a commercial on television. Each and every time I was given something I was thankful, even if it was a little toy from the dollar store. I was thankful and I knew it made them happy to see me happy. But the most important thing was that I was thankful, If i didn't say thank you my parents would ask, "What do you say?" and I would often realize that I didn't thank them or whoever gave me the gift and Thank them.
     As of lately I find myself not remembering to say thank you. I look around and I see many people with SO many talents and blessings from God. Rather than realizing what I have been given I envy. I turn into a spoiled child, I know what I have, and I'm told it is good but I want more an better that what is mine. I have been forgetting to say thank you to God. I forget to give him thanks for the gift life and eternal life. I forget to give him thanks for the wonderful friends and family I have. I have been forgetting to thank him for one of my personal favorites, the gift of creation. God has given me the gift of being able to look at things around me and see them in a different light. The gift of being an artist.
     I love being an artist. I love having the ability to see things in a different light. I revel in the fact that I can create. Every time I get acknowledgment for my art I know that it wasn't me but it was him. I give him the glory... but I never thank him. If I remember to thank a friend for a small gift yet      With Easter upon our door steps I wanna encourage you to seek out the lord and thank him for not only everything he has done for you with sending his son to die on the cross but thank him for the small things, thank for the big things, thank him for everything. The good bad and ugly. Thank him in everything.

" But he said to her, "You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?" In all this Job did not sin with his lips. "   Job 2:10

What a difference a year makes

As February fast approaches I'm reminded what amazing things can happen in a years time. This time last year I was a lost soul looking for something. I was looking in beer cans and and shot glasses. (man does that make me sound like I was an alcoholic?!) I had a good time doing it. Do I regret it? Not at all. Do I want to do it again? Nope. I thought having fun with the help of a drink with some friends was a good time. I was always smiling when I had a drink with friends.

Rewind even further, three years ago. I was depressed, I was calling out to God in a "Please help me God, I'm going into a life changing surgery, I need you, you gave me a Christian doctor, I remember you from church, "your only begotten son blah blah blah" please guide the doctors knife as he slices and dices me. Oh your done? I'm recovered? Awesome! Thanks God Ill talk to ya later... sucker." Hrm... it almost pains me to write that, but thats how I was for a bit. I'm ashamed.

Lets come back to last year. This time last year a lovely time wouldn't you say? Right. So after God saw how messed up I was and how much of a broken sinner I was he decided to step in and bring me back to him. He got me to goto a lovely college Christian retreat called Jubilee. I didn't really understand the power that Jubilee could have one someone, or at least the seed planting capabilities that it had. Boy did it have it. After attending Jubilee my friend, my savior and my God started working like lightning in my heart. He turned me around and filled that void that I had in me. He filled it so it burst and I wanted to tell EVERYONE about how awesome he was/is/forever will be.

I am filled with a joy right now, as I write this, that is so humbling. To see someone be used and abused like I did to my friend; only to have him come back and help me back up on my feet and dust me off, even carry me for a little bit. Its baffling why and how he does it. I don't know if I could do that. Its probably a good thing that I wasn't sent to the earth to save the population 'ey?

Its amazing what can happen in a year. A fall. A spring back. A Joyous sunny season. As that Jubilee thing approaches again I am renewed with a faith that is in a new better place. I approach this conference with a heart for Jesus and a calling to do his work. To be a light for him. To help other college kids like myself. Knowing if I want to succeed I need to keep my eye looking upwards and my heart opened.

Amen.